trouble shooting

Yesterday on my drive to see Nelson the Mustang, I found myself checking for trouble.  Scanning my mental horizons to see what trouble was lurking.  I noticed that it felt  like checking to make sure it was all still there, my little piles of trouble. “Isn’t that interesting,” I thought.  My trouble piles are the things that I have a habit of worrying about.  Money, health, safety, money, my daughters, the world, money.

Nelson is a stallion, and he poops in big “stud piles” around his field.  They are his way of delineating territory, and he goes around and sniffs them from time to time to see if they need refreshing.  I realized that my trouble piles are like that:  I go and sniff them from time to time to see if they need refreshing.  “Have I been worrying about this thing lately?  Does it need a fresh worry?”

What I see is that I am habitually pointing myself at what I don’t want instead of looking around for the things that I can appreciate, the things that are nourishing and playful.  I know this old habit, but thought I had pretty much cleaned it out.  As it turns out it has just gotten a little more elusive, a little harder to detect.

The key was that as I was driving, I was feeling a little edgy, a little anxious, instead of welcoming the astonishing sunny beauty of the day and the gorgeous upstate New York scenery I was traveling through.  Once I felt the feeling, then I started looking for things to enjoy.  Simple things, easy things.  Distracting myself from the trouble piles.  Like looking for the shafts of sunlight, instead of the dark shadows.

If all you did was just look for things to appreciate you would live a joyous, spectacular life. If there was nothing else that you ever came to understand other than just look for things to appreciate, it’s the only tool you would ever need to predominantly hook you up with who you really are. That’s all you’d need.   — Abraham

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