Today Pam and I drove up to visit Bedlam Farm, home of Jon Katz and Maria Wulf.  Our friendship with these two amazing people has grown over the past few months.  Jon is an inspiration and a mentor for me, a budding blogger and writer.  With some trepidation I had asked him to look at a couple chapters of my book, Horse Dancing:  Artists, the body and the bond between horses and humans.  He is pushing me to show myself more, to open more, to step out of the shadows.  I thought I was.  I can see now that I am not, that there is more to show, more to share.

I also wanted to meet Rocky, the 30-year old pony that lives at the future Bedlam Farm.  Jon has posted some beautiful photos of Rocky with me today on his Facebook page and his blog.  To me, Rocky felt like the sleeping prince waiting to be kissed to awaken.  Jon and Maria had been giving him some soft kisses, but Rocky needed a big smooch to wake up.  He has been alone for a long time.

This is what I loved about today, what broke my heart open.  He was ready.  Not that he had just been hanging around waiting, but when he was touched, really handled, it was as if his body remembered all of that and opened to it like a flower in the sun.  I think that is a testament to how deeply he has been loved.  He became animated, eager and responsive with his herd of four humans.

Nelson, the mustang that I work with is like this now.  He wants to be with.  He is relaxed and happy, interested in whatever the next thing is. His life feels pretty good to him now.

I think this is what we all want, each of us in our own way.  To be with, to be touched, to be cherished, to be one.  I know it is what I want.  I am not always able to express that.  I don’t always give myself over to being loved the way Rocky did today.  That is his gift to me today.

Maria said that usually after his apple and a bit of brushing, Rocky wanders away. She said that was a relief, because it marked an end to their mutual commitment.  Rocky was wandering off because there wasn’t a compelling reason to stay.  Now he will stay.  And so will they.  He has felt us, and he knows there is more.  More love, more connection, more of all of us.

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Last summer Pam and I went to Bedlam Farm to interview Jon Katz for my book, Horse Dancing.  I had been reading his blog posts about Simon, the donkey that he and his wife Maria rescued.  The story he was telling in his blog was about a man who loves and knows dogs stepping, no falling, into the equine world.  I wanted that story to be a part of my book.  His book Rose in a Storm, which I read in a storm, is my favorite animal story of all time.

We have been trying to connect since summer and managed a meeting today in Rhinebeck.  It is interesting to move from a virtual relationship to a physical one.  For me it has been mostly the other way around.  But Jon and Maria have been taking friendly shape for me through their writings – Jon in his Bedlam Farm Journal and Maria in her Wulf Howling blog.  Today Jon, Maria, Pam and I stood outside at the farm where we board our horses.  I had just ridden Capprichio, and he stood with us as if he was hearing and understanding everything.  Interestingly, he was not obsessed with getting his nose in the grass, but kept gazing around the little circle, taking in his human herd.

We talked today about connection and finding and creating community through the internet.  About privacy and what we reveal, and how we control the message.  About what one’s story is and how that is shared.  About sharing an artist’s life in this intimate, anonymous way.

I do not always have a clear sense of my audience, and if it is growing or how much I should care about that.  Mostly, I try to find the thread for the day, the thing that I want to push into and explore.  Today felt like friendship steeping, taking on a richer color and fragrance.  Another beginning.

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Today like every other day
We wake up empty and scared.
Don’t open the door of your study
And begin reading.
Take down a musical instrument.
Let the beauty we love be what we do
There are hundreds of way to kneel
And kiss the earth.

                                                     Rumi

I have been reading Jon Katz about Valentine’s Week.  This post touched me deeply, because I too live with an artist, and when I see the light shining from her studio windows, my heart leaps.

Lately she has been painting hearts.  They are ecstatic, wildly beautiful.  I have already picked out mine.  “That one,” I said,  “That one is mine.”

2012 marks 26 years together.  That seems an impossible number, and yet there it is.  The years, the days, the minutes are a complicated dance, a beautiful improvisation, a meditation on listening, on moving, on being moved.  Being a love warrior, which mostly means learning to love oneself deeply enough to love another.

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Appreciate something.

Light a candle.

Find stillness.

Take a walk.

Take a nap. 

Breathe.

And with appreciation and thanks to Jon Katz, I had to share his Bedlam Farm video of Nicolene, the magical barn fairy.

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My friend Jon Katz lost his beautiful dog Rose yesterday.  Rose was Jon’s muse.  Rose was a muse for many of us – a treasure that he shared through his writing.  When I read his book Rose in a Storm, I felt I had found a doorway to something primal and precious.  It is a breathtaking, open-hearted book.  I loved the way Jon showed us Rose’s mind – her encyclopedic mapping of the farm and her ability to tell if anything was amiss in the map.

Rose was also mysterious.  She was a dog unto herself, if I understand her at all.  Her first business was The Work, which in this case was the running of the farm.  She and Jon share a devotion:  hers to the caretaking of her family and home, his to the deep and solitary practice of his lovely writing.

Thank you Jon.  Thank you Rose.

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Jon Katz with his beloved donkey Simon

I had to share this post called The Rooster Syndrome by the wonderful Jon Katz.

If you don’t know about Jon, you are in for a treat.

His blog Bedlam Farm Journal is just one of the best around.

As he says, “come and see.”

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