Monthly Archives: July 2013

exploring

This is from Keri Smith’s book,How to Be an Explorer of the World: Portable Life Museum.  I have this page posted on my desktop, and every couple days, I open it to remind myself to wake up to seeing things anew.  I particularly like the suggestions that are not so familiar to me, like tracing things back to their origins or noticing the stories that are going on around me.

Right at this time, I have a swirl of stories about my off-the-rails youngest daughter.  Raging stories, regretful stories, mean stories, sad stories, frustrated stories, despairing stories.  I also have stories with various endings, including death, dismemberment, embraces and joy.  Sometimes I can’t choose the story I might prefer because it is crowded out by an obsessive story.  Sometimes I see my story as I would like to tell it in a movie or a book.  For example, I went to see Red 2 with Helen Mirren et. al., and got very excited during the scene when she was driving with an Asian hit man in a blue sports car.  She said, “Show me something,” and he put the car into a slo-mo spin as Helen aimed and fired guns out both windows with that deadly, steely gaze.  That is a story I could love. And for those of you who may not see the movie, that moment is minute 2:10 on the trailer.

But back to being an explorer.  To help with my stories, I am choosing #4:  alter your course often.  When I do that, I can dislodge from the stuckness of a bad story and access what is actually happening now, this moment, this breath.

 

SHARE & EMAIL

outside the box

To the left of the stage was a huge screen with live action shots of whoever was performing.  Pam caught this one as I was dancing SPEAK in 90 degree heat.  I was grateful that I did not pass out.  I was also happy to be there, part of this big festival, the first of its kind in Boston.  Everyone in the backstage area was wonderful:  Masha, Diane, Iona, Shawna and Sheila – all kind, helpful and enthusiastic.  I found the atmosphere around the event refreshing, unpretentious and exciting, despite the crushing heat and humidity.  Bravo Boston!  Bravo Outside the Box!

all in

Photo:  Howard Schatz

As I approach this performance in at the Outside the Box Festival in Boston on Thursday I can feel the little parts of myself that are not quite all in.  The parts that is worried about the heat (I am performing outdoors); the part that is protecting my knee, the part that is still learning/exploring the dance.

At the same time, I can feel how many parts of myself are all in, how I have the feeling not of dancing so much as being danced.  It is the first solo I have performed in twelve years.  I am ready to go, ready to plunge in. And I am eager to do more of this, and here is why:  I can feel how authentic, how full to the brim, how generous this dancing has become.  It is not about showing, but sharing, not about being seen but seeing.

Come and see!

layers

Vipassana meditation teacher Joseph Goldstein says that through meditation, we learn to alter the relationship between our consciousness and our experience.  What that means to me at the moment is creating more spaciousness in both my consciousness and my experience – the ability to see the spaces between the layers of whatever is unfolding.  Currently, I am meditating on the back of a horse.  I am letting the horse show me when I have lost my softness, my willingness, my openness.  Breathing room.  Feeling.