Author Archives: Paula Josa-Jones

dancing in the flames

Photo:  Pam White  Anima Motrix by Paula Josa-Jones

My friend Nicole Rushin recently posted a link to a film about the brilliant Jungian writer, scholar and dreamer, Marion Woodman called Dancing in the Flames.

Many years ago, I attended a conference headlined by Marion Woodman.  I was reading Jung day and night, in the midst of a Jungian analysis, and steeped in Joseph Campbell.  It was a heady time. Mystical, sublime.

In the intervening years, I feel that I have lost some of that connection to mysticism.  I am dancing in the flames, but it can often feel like the flames of hell, with me doing a scorched tango.

Last night, we had dinner with our friend Brett, a lawyer who is also studying to become ordained as an Episcopal priest.  I have not had lovely experiences with religion.  But Brett is drawn to something deep and lovely and mystical in his relationship to God.  It is not my experience, but as we talked, I could remember some ecstatic, embodied moments in the music – the divine in the unspoken.

Brett said that he recently gave a sermonette titled “Wounded Corporeality.”  It was about coming together to share our wounds.  That surprised me.  When I heard the title, I immediately thought he meant something else:  how corporeality itself is wounded in the church.  That the disembodied, dogmatic nature of religion is the real wound, and that until we can discover a sensuous, embodied mysticism, that wound will persist.

Something in me is wanting to re-awaken to the mystical and this lovely film about a living goddess is shining a light.

 

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opening the view

Today we received the financial aid letter from the college where my youngest daughter is a student.  The aid this year, for no reason we can ascertain, is less than half of what it was last year.  That has brought on a(nother) moderate to severe state of panic.  I am going to talk myself down.

First, when things like this happen, I fall back into a historic, chronic belief in struggle.  I grab onto the “trouble” and hold it close like an old friend.  The feeling is so familiar that it feels like me.  I think, in that moment, that it IS me.  I am IT.  None of that is actually true.

Second.  (This analogy comes from a wonderful Abraham workshop recording.)  Abraham says that when we focus on “what is” or “reality” or “the problem” it is like we are driving down the highway with the windscreen in the floor of our car, rather than looking out ahead at the opening landscape.  Or as if we have a beautiful home with wonderful views, but we have decided to live in the closet.

The other thing that happened today is that I did some very delicious and playful horse dancing.  We had our first rehearsal for All the Pretty Horses, the performance project that I am developing with LIttle Brook Farm in Chatham, NY.  We had dancers from my company, young student dancers, riders, horses (all rescued), a vaulter all working together to make a dance that celebrates the bond between horses and humans.  A performance that is rooted in the shared language of movement.  It was fun, it was spirited, even transcendent. I felt in my element, blessed to have so many wonderful people gathered in collaboration.

But when I got home, there was that letter and I dove into the darkness.

As I write, the writing feels like I am widening the aperture.  Stepping out of the closet.  Gaining perspective, breathing a bit deeper, focusing away from the scary, desperate place.

Lucky for me, the lilacs are blooming.  There are stars in the sky tonight.  I can feel the strong steady beating of my heart, which I know to be fierce and big.  Begin again, begin again, begin again.

saturday’s very fine art

for sale:  “Body Mine # 7”

Original framed photograph with charcoal and pencil and text.

This week’s price only   $97 plus shipping.

You can purchase by contacting me HERE, or with Paypal.

Body Mine #7

soto voce

  for Jon, Maria and Izzy

the tulip is singing

a song for the broken-hearted.

a song of grief

and a song of rejoicing.

a song of remembering

and of forgetting

of holding and letting go.

I ask myself these questions:

can you let yourself be sung?

(the melody is unknown)

can you let yourself be danced?

(there are no steps)

can you open and open again,

trembling in the wake

of this fierce music?