Author Archives: Paula Josa-Jones

Nov2

riding a wild boar in a blender

Posted on by

http://www.neqnet

My friend Deirdre Broderick and I have been trying to get together for months.  Her last email said her schedule felt like “riding a wild boar in a blender.”

Deirdre is a composer and her lyrics have always had a certain “je ne sais quoi.”

So what to do when on the wild boar and in the blender? When life has gathered too much momentum?

Here are some ideas:

  1. stay in the saddle if you can
  2. perform an emergency dismount
  3. make like you are at a rodeo
  4. let the beast throw you

Let’s focus on #2.  An emergency dismount is when you know that things are going south fast, and instead of waiting for #4, you make a decision and do your best to land on your feet.  In my experience, this requires some foresight and courage.  My personal experience tells me that if you can’t manage #1, you will go directly to #4.  #3 is good for some momentary fun.

In any case, isn’t it always about the ride?

Any other ideas?

 

SHARE & EMAIL
Nov1

the dark side of the moon

Posted on by

This is not just a story about a horse.  It is about the commute from what we know to what we do not know.  What we fear.

For a long time this picture shows the only way that I could touch Nelson on his left side.  He would not let anyone stand on his that side.  That was where he had been freeze-branded by the BLM after his capture.  Who knows what else had happened there.  It is like the dark side of the moon – the part we can’t see.  Unexplored, alien.

Over time, I got him to let me move to that side.  Usually by walking around his tail and walking calmly toward his head.  But every time I would do it, he was nervous.  As if it were the first time, and someone showing up on that side was a nasty surprise.

Today was that way.  I haven’t seen Nelson for a couple weeks, and when I walked around and stood on his left and went to touch him on that side, his skin jumped, and he spooked off.  Like a boogeyman had popped out of the ground there.  I did it again, and he was still nervous, but let me touch him.  I clicked and gave him a treat (he is moderately Clicker Trained).

As I went to touch him again, a curious thing happened.  I felt myself drop into what felt like a warm lake of calm, as if I had stepped into my avatar, who possessed transformational powers.   “What’s this?” I thought.  Nelson dropped his head, and relaxed.  Immediately.

Because their vision is not binocular in the way that ours is, horses experience the two sides of their bodies differently.  When you introduce something on one side, you have to do the same thing on the other side, because that side has not processed the information.

I often imagine that I am like Nelson in this way.  One side that is pretty mellow and can handle what comes along.  The other side that is spooky and weird.  Not exactly Jekyll and Hyde, but  disconcerting to those who live with me nonetheless. It is almost like falling out of being a predator and into being prey.  Back and forth.  Actually, I think most of us do this all the time.  “I’m safe.”  “I’m going to die.”  Back and forth.

After my calm warm lake moment I could touch him all over.  We were both breathing.  I felt these huge blooms of love for him.  That is, in fact, the glue – the tether – the thing that smooths the journey from one side of the moon to the other.

How do you commute?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Oct31

powerless

Posted on by

48 hours after the storm and no power.  I am sitting in the Rhinebeck, NY library, the first of three places I have visited looking for wifi where I can actually power up.  Connecticut Light & Power is saying maybe seven days.  Maybe more.

It is interesting to be powerless.  Years ago when I got sober, they told us we had to admit to being powerless over booze, drugs, sex.  I did that on my knees.  I knew I could not control any of that.  And I can’t control any of this.  Which is OK.  There is something interesting about being pushed out of the box to find power.  To connect.  I sat in two cafes today and met interesting powerless people before discovering that in fact I was still wifi powerless.

To my friends in the powerless Northwest corner, I hope you get this soon.  To the rest of you:  Greetings and Happy (white) Halloween.

How do you experience being powerless?