Author Archives: Paula Josa-Jones

dark matter of love

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My friend Suzanne sent me this link for a beautiful, troubling film about adoption. Through much of it I could not breathe.  I could feel through the young Russian girl in the film back into my daughter when she was newly here.  Behind those eyes and the smile, is a world of unspoken, unexpressed hurt and loss.  Sometimes that hurt and loss does not erupt until many, many years later, when you think, “We did it.  She is safe.  All is well.”  As we are learning, the unconscious and the old traumas can explode like a tsunami across what had looked like a beautiful, relatively peaceful landscape.  My heart ached for these kind, good-hearted, naive parents.  Many people have asked me about how I feel about adoption now.  Different, I say.  Would I do anything differently?  No, I would not.

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stillness, action, quieting the storms

hand-of-buddha

Today’s meditation with Deepak spoke of stillness and discovering how stillness can inspire action.  Another way of thinking about that is how stillness can penetrate our action.

When I am teaching movement, both with and without horses, I often ask students and clients to become intentionally still.  I call it the “intentional pause” strategy.  Yesterday, with my spooky horse Amadeo, I had to do a lot of intentional pausing.  What I noticed right away was that when we walked into the barn and stopped, I was holding my breath, and that I was not in my legs.  Neither was he.  We were both pretty high-headed.  So I waited, just breathing and stroking his withers, until I felt all the effervescence go out of my legs and felt my feet sinking into the arena footing.  He and I both took a lot of big breaths.  All through the ride, he kept losing his mind – spooking, balling up, his ears like two crazy satellite dishes spinning on the top of his head. It felt a little like tryng to ride this bad boy:

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Each time, I would slow, pause, and stand still and breathing until I felt him settle.  Over and over, until I could feel that stillness start to come into the movement.  Storms moving off, light breaking through.

On Wednesday, I had a wonderful improvisational session with percussionist John Marshall.  He an I are percolating some work together – my dancing and his playing.  We began with the strategy of alternating movement or sound with stillness.  Each of us alternated in our own way, sometimes overlapping, sometimes in response to the other, but basically holding the thread of our own impulses for either movement/sound or stillness.  It was a way of being in conscious relationship while also listening inwardly – holding inner and outer attention simultaneously.

What about the stress storms?  Emotional weather?   Too often, we get caught in the winds of continual, unremitting exertion, busyness, rumination,worry, rage – whatever.  What I am finding is that I have to consciously weave moments of intentional stillness into all of that, as best I can.  This morning, I kept repeating the serenity prayer.  Other times, I lie down on the floor for a few soft, conscious breaths.  Sometimes I go into the studio, and let my body speak in movement, in stillness.  Little recuperations instead of big collapses.

Where do I feel the purest bliss?  With the horses.  Where can I drop everything except my love and my openness?  With the horses or basking in the sea.  I am looking for more ways to expand that bliss, to find little pockets of it everywhere.  Like the idea of little recuperations, little moments of renewing, refreshing stillness, even in action.

 

Thanksgiving

abundance

Grace

Thanks & blessings be
to the Sun & the Earth
for this bread & this wine,
this fruit, this meat, this salt,
this food;
thanks be & blessing to them
who prepare it, who serve it;
thanks & blessings to them
who share it
(& also the absent & the dead).
Thanks & Blessing to them who bring it
(may they not want),
to them who plant & tend it,
harvest & gather it
(may they not want);
thanks & blessing to them who work
& blessing to them who cannot;
may they not want – for their hunger
sours the wine & robs
the taste from the salt.
Thanks be for the sustenance & strength
for our dance & work of justice, of peace.

~ Rafael Jesus Gonzalez ~

performance: mark the date!

DSC00272Photo:  Pam White

On January 10, I will be performing part of a new solo, The Traveler (moth to the flame) at the Booking Dance Festival NYC.  Once again, we will be at the beautiful Allen Room, Frederick P. Rose Hall at Jazz at Lincoln Center.

Time TBA, but probably around 8 pm.

Broadway  at  60th  Street,  New  York,  NY

www.bookingdance.com

I hope to see you there!