Category Archives: moving, breathing, feeling

a gift from Garrison

If you don’t subscribe to The Writer’s Almanac, here is another good reason.  I have not thought of Paris enough.  I do not know Butes-Chaumont yet.  And you?  Where will you travel?

Plans

by Stuart Dischell

She plans to be a writer one day and live in the City of Paris,
Where she will describe the sun as it rises over Buttes-Chaumont.
“Today the dawn began in small pieces, sharp wedges of light
Broke through the clouds.” She plans to write better than this
And is critic enough to know “sharp wedges” sound like cheese.
She plans to live alone in a place that has a terrace
Where she will drink strong coffee at a round white table.
Her terrace will be her cafe and she will be recognized
By the blue-smocked workers of the neighborhood, the concierges,
The locals at the comptoir of the tabac down the block,
And the girl under the green cross of the apothecary shop.
She plans to love her apartment where she will keep
Just one flower in a blue vase. She already loves the word apart-
Ment, whose halves please her when she sees them breaking
The line in her journal. She plans to learn the roots
Of French and English words and will search them out
As if she were hunting skulls in the catacombs.
On her walls she’ll hang a timetable of the great events
Of Western History. She will read the same twenty books
As Chaucer. Every morning she will make up stories….
She looks around her Brighton room, at the walls,
The ceiling, the round knob of the rectangular door.
She listens to the voices of the neighbor’s children.
A toilet flushes, then the tamp of cigarette on steel,
The flint flash of her roommate’s boyfriend’s lighter.
When she leaves she plans to leave alone, and every
Article she will carry, each shoe, will be important.
Like an architect she will plan this life, as once
The fortune in a cookie told her: Picture what you wish
To become, if you wish to become that picture
.

“Plans” by Stuart Dischell, from Good Hope Road. © Viking, 1993. Reprinted with permission. (buy now)

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long, hot summer

I have not been taking as many photographs this summer.  It is part of the paralysis of my grieving for my youngest daughter.  On the other hand, I have been dancing and writing more.  There are days when none of that creative juice is available and on those days, I pull weeds.  It is contemplative, small, focused.  I can get engrossed and be distracted at the same time.

Some days begin with a wave of grief.  Other days, I get tripped up unexpectedly.  Today I found a three-legged turtle struggling on the road on my way home.  As I raced to take it to the Audubon before they closed, I wept.  Something about the way it was moving and not moving on the road – I thought at first it was an injured bird – set me off.  Leaving the Audubon, I had a full crashing surf of sadness – the pull over to the side of the road because you can’t see kind.

Other days are quieter, but the thing, the situation, the problem, the wound is always there.  Pam talked about the way the stress and obsession of this badly troubled, runaway child is like a news scroll 24/7, running under everything.  You are never free, never without that ache.

Outside, the lilies are blooming anyway.  The cicadas are thrumming, and the sun is rising and setting every day.  I have to remember to breathe, something that is not troubling the birds, the horses, the dogs.  Mary Oliver, my poetry angel, reminds me of this in The Sun:

Have you ever seen
anything
in your life
more wonderful

than the way the sun,
every evening,
relaxed and easy,
floats toward the horizon

and into the clouds or the hills,
or the rumpled sea,
and is gone–
and how it slides again

out of the blackness,
every morning,
on the other side of the world,
like a red flower

streaming upward on its heavenly
oils,
say, on a morning in early summer,
at its perfect imperial distance–
and have you ever felt for anything
such wild love–
do you think there is anywhere, in any language,
a word billowing enough
for the pleasure

that fills you,
as the sun
reaches out,
as it warms you

as you stand there,
empty-handed–
or have you too
turned from this world–

or have you too
gone crazy
for power,
for things?

Laila’s interspecies world

Laila doesn’t know that she is separate from anything.  Laila is part of everything.

She doesn’t know that the dogs are different than she is.

Laila oves to touch, loves to be with.  Here is Laila with her protector and friend Cho.

May all beings be at peace.  May all beings be at one.  May all beings be free.

freedom matters

These are images of Nepali children who have been rescued by Freedom Matters after having been trafficked to Indian circuses.  Philip Holmes, who founded the Esther Benjamins Trust has started this new effort to help Nepali children.  These are wonderful organizations that help many children.  If you can help, please do!

Freedom Matters “Circus Kathmandu” participating in a British School Kathmandu fundraiser for the project