People pay Pam White for her wisdom, her humor, her time.  I am blessed to awaken to all of that.  This morning, she said, “I have a download for you.  About what we were talking about last night.”  I am awake.

We were talking about my feeling derailed, discouraged and overwhelmed by the prospects for publishing my book.  She said, “You have to sit deeper in the saddle.  You have to be the rider, not the horse.”  Meaning that I have to be the writer, not the book.  Meaning that I can’t become over-identified with the book.  It isn’t me, I am not it, or at least I am more than just that.

The day before I had listened to Paul Scheele’s wonderful paraliminal recording called “Automatic Pilot.”  It is about getting clear about your goal and getting clear about the steps to take to realize your goal.  After listening, I felt myself back in the river, paddle in hand, boat following the channel, the current.  I spent a couple days making huge strides, and for the first time, seeing the whole of the book, rather than just the parts.  Then I spoke to a friend who is  book and publishing savvy, and suddenly found myself high and dry.  River gone, boat and paddle gone.

Here is what happened.  I forgot to look in the direction of what I want.  I started to focus hard on “reality,” and “the problem,” and then sure enough that problem does get legs and start to run.

And then she said, and this is important, “This will sound radical:  every day, let go of something you aren’t or don’t want.”

I thought about letting go of fear or doubt or ambition. To abstract, too slippery.  last week, I let go of a page on my website that described something that I no longer want to do.  It felt radical.  I pitched into the virtual trash bin.  Today, I am letting go of my schedule.  It is snowy and I am not planning to drive over the mountain to ride.  So my day has a more fluid, amniotic feel to it.

Tomorrow, I could let go of this blog.  Who knows?